date >> 20240907
listening to >> blue - billie eilish / andante agitato "the raid" - nicholas britell
FFXIV spoilers ahead for SB/ShB/EW. Also, this is going to be so incomprehensible to everyone except for like maybe two people. None of this is proofread. You are now reading my unfiltered thoughts in real-time.
"BLUE" just... fits too well for this stupid pairing in my brain, especially with the events that go down in Endwalker. Even now, I still can't get over the ending, because it just hurts me and Yoshi-P took one look at the Zenos girlies and went "haha say bye to your special boy" like why dude!!
I've been thinking about how it was only close to the end that Rune finally realizes the absolute lengths that Zenos would go for him - for the one friend in the universe that he managed to make; about how, it was only during their final battle to the death that he sheds all of his notions as the Warrior of Light and is just himself in that moment, because there, at the edge of the universe, it's just him and someone that truly understands him and the kind of person he is. (Being the Warrior of Light means to always look like the good guy. Good people don't yearn for a fight, a clash, the dance with death, to an unhealthy degree. At least, that's what he likes to tell himself.)So when all of that happens - two souls burning bright because they can finally be themselves and no one is looking because who else would even be there at that moment - and then it suddenly ends, and then suddenly they're taken away from each other, and then suddenly he has to be the Warrior of Light again... I think that would be a good cause of heartbreak specifically for Rune. He was finally seen, he could just be, and then the next second the only person that sees him for the way he is is dead and now he's thrown back into a position to where he must act for the good of the star, where acting selfishly would more likely contribute to its harm than its good.
I thought we were the same
Birds of a feather, now I'm ashamed
I told you a lie, désolée, mon amour
...
A bird in a cage, thought you were made for me
...
I'd like to mean it when I say I'm over you
But that's still not true, true
And I'm still so bluе (And it's not true)
By the time that he makes this realization and comes to even appreciate it, it's already too late. And then, when all is said and done, he ruminates, and then feels the unique heartbreak that his situation brings.
You were born bluer than a butterfly
Beautiful and so deprived of oxygen
Colder than your father's eyes
He never learned to sympathize with anyone
...
You were born reachin' for your mother's hands
Victim of your father's plans to rule the world
(Can we also talk about how well these particular lyrics fit Zenos. Holy hell.)
Isn't that heartbreaking? I think it is. The two were, for better or worse, soulmates in that sense, and now one of them is gone and Rune has to go back to being incomplete in that way. So of course I can see Rune going into some depressive episode immediately after everything. He saved the universe. The threat has passed. Everyone is safe now (except for one). Others may see it as his disappearance from the public eye after Endwalker's ending to be him taking a much-needed rest, but only his closest friends will probably even have an inkling of what's truly going on.
Now what if you take that devotion and, I dunno, move up the timeline a little bit to where, instead of a cosmic entity singing the song of oblivion, it's the very hero leading the Source and one of its reflections to its doom once more. "Would Zenos find a way to the Warrior of Light if they, overwhelmed with the Light, become a threat to themselves??" And to that I say, ABSOLUTELY. Imagine it:
"I had assumed you would be above something so banal as the Light. Am I mistaken?"
(no bc he WOULD SAY THAT!! I CAN HEAR HIM SAYING IT IN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW- [i am forcibly removed from the premises])
The point I'm trying to make here is that, yes, I believe that he would go to Rune, even when the latter has become a being to finally destroy the First and take the Source into an Eighth Umbral Calamity. (He was already devoted to Rune as soon as the assassination attempt on him was made anyways. That devotion was never going to change.) And here, in what I dubbed as "the worst timeline," Rune realizes Zenos's devotion, even when his consciousness is overwhelmed by the Light.
It will only be near the end of their lives - Zenos's in Endwalker and Rune's in this Shadowbringers AU - that Rune will finally, truly accept him. He kind of did in Ala Mhigo already, but it's in their moments before death where he will fully do so. He would not, otherwise. And that's why these two will never be happy together.
In this dimension, filled with the hum and brightness of aetherial Light, silence prevailed; that is, save for the sound of heavy boots thumping on the marble floor and the clinking of chains against armor.
They told him that he was the only one able to stop him. He knew this must have been a part of some ploy to get rid of him, and he didn't care. What mattered was that they told him where his friend was, and to his friend he shall go.
As the endless hallway began to narrow, the light began to become impossibly bright, enough to where he found that he has to shield his eyes before continuing any further. Only when the fingertips of his outstretched hands brushed a soft fabric that he stopped walking.
A curtain. He deftly moved it upward and removed the hand from his eyes when he found that the light began to dim slightly.
The room before him was cavernous. The ceiling had fallen away to reveal the skies and endless light above. There were similar curtains of sheer fabric draped around the room - a simple decoration to the white and gold marble columns and floor below his feet. And there, at the center of the room with what appeared to be a kind of altar, he found him.
Rune no longer looked the way he used to, and yet he knew it was still him. His figure was slouched over the marble altar, his head resting on his arms against its surface as if he was merely taking a nap over a desk. His once-raven hair was now a lifeless white, and the color of his skin matched the white of the room that cocooned him. Even from this distance, Zenos could tell he was not breathing.
During this very moment, he felt as if millions of eyes were on him, and even still, he could not bring himself to care. There he was. His dearest friend.
The pressure of a million gazes seemed to lighten on his shoulders once Rune looked upward from where he lay against the altar.
"You're here," he spoke, and his voice reverbated as if others with his same voice spoke with him at the same time. Even then, he felt his surprise. At this, Zenos gave him a smile.
"At the end of everything, I find you, my friend."
TLDR;; Rune and Zenos are a Madoka Magica-flavored tragic yuri. Thanks for coming to my TED talk- [explodes]